CD13: Iacta Spunka Est

The request has been made. Shipment #1 will be going out tomorrow, CD14, for arrival/deployment on CD15. Was I influenced by the fact that CD15 is a Saturday? Perhaps, perhaps.

If I get a peak today, I'll swear a bit and try to think non-ovulatory thoughts. If I get a peak tomorrow or Saturday I'll shout hallelujah. If I get a peak on Sunday then, I dunno, maybe I'll say don't bother with #2, or maybe I'll ask him to ship on Monday anyway on the grounds that, as B says, it probably won't make me less pregnant. If I don't get a peak on Sunday I'll. I don't know. Cast some bones. Flip a coin for ships on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. It'll be a three-sided coin, see.

CD12: The Daily Report

 Technology
ClearBlue is at Peak (it does it on autopilot after finding the first peak day, so there's no information there). Predicted ovulation: yesterday. I don't believe it for a second.
Ov-Watch says Fertile Day 1. Predicted ovulation: Sunday/Monday, peak fertile day: Saturday.
OvaCue: yesterday's prediction --   CD14, Friday. Today's prediction:  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

Yeah, that's right. The OvaCue has given out under the stress of competition. I will be packing its RRP$398 ass up and sending it back to Zetek in disgrace.

Reproductive organs
Cervix higher.
One big ol' glob of fertile mucus (hello, everyone. We left TMI behind a long time ago, right?)

Saliva
Mg/Ca has remained high. If CD5 genuinely was the dip, and ovulation occurs after exactly the same time gap as the last dip, then I will ovulate tomorrow.  This is the most untested of methods, though, and I certainly don't feel like I'm going to ovulate tomorrow.
Ferning: forgot to check last night. I've been keeping slides for each day, though, and will check tonight.

OPKs
Faint, still.

Womynly instynct
I'll ovulate Tuesday or Wednesday. This is also "womynly guessing based on past ovulation dates", since that will be will be CD 18/19. For nine months of data, once I ovulated on CD15, four times on CD18, twice on CD20, once on CD21, once on CD22. *constructs frequency histogram*

If I do ovulate on Tuesday or Wednesday, my most fertile days will be CD17/Monday or CD18/Tuesday. Monday is a dead loss coz there's no way to get sperm across the country on a Sunday. Therefore, Tuesday.

Resolved, unless I change my mind
I will hedge my bets. I will ask KD to ship once on Friday, to arrive on CD 15/Fertile Day 4. This is Ov-Watch's most fertile day prediction. I'll ask him to ship #2 on Monday, to arrive on CD18/Tuesday.

Somewhere in there I will pray for an LH surge. If by Sunday I'm not getting any darker OPKs, I'll wait and have him ship on Tuesday. If I peak over the weekend I won't bother having him send a Monday shipment.

Move over, Samuel Pepys.
I will seriously not be offended if anyone filters out this blog.

CD11: le argh

Frustrating things:

The ClearBlue monitor showed a peak this morning. WTF? WTF? This is silly because
1) I never in my life ovulated on CD12;
2) It never showed any highs;
3) None of my other signs line up (mucus, cervical position)
4) My other two machines don't agree (Ov-Watch hasn't hit Fertile Day 1, OvaCue says we're four days out but is probably too early as usual)
5) The OPKs do not find a LH surge.

On the other hand, the OPKs did show a faint line, which typically I don't get until a few days prior to ovulating. And my cycle may well be changing; many people have warned me that the Vitex will regulate my cycle, but will also change it.

I guess I will just hope that it's a blip. See, it doesn't matter any way, since if I did surge today it's too late. I told KD that I'd tell him the day before a shipment was needed; if I tell him to go today and he ships tomorrow I'll receive it on Thursday, which would probably be too late. Unless it's a blip and so was the light OPK and in fact I have a few more days. *prays*

I really, really don't want to miss trying this month.

So, just to recap, the lack-of-consensus is:

Technology
ClearBlue says I will ovulate in the next 48 hours.
OvaCue says I will ovulate on CD14, 72 hours.
Ov-Watch says it will be at least 96 hours.

Reproductive organs
No fertile mucus at all
Cervix medium-low

Saliva
Unknown ferning state, will check tonight
Mg/Ca dip on CD5, but last month I didn't start checking until CD7 (got dips on 11 and 12).

Womynly instynct
No fucking clue.

My sole asset: the time difference. I don't have to figure out until 3pm our time.

Possible confounding variable: dinner. I had a huge amount of asparagus last night. It certainly make my pee smell funny; I wonder if it could interfere with the various urine-based technologies? I guess it could either increase LH (seems less likely) or produce something or other that the sticks can mistake for LH.

OTOH, perhaps it's silly to think that just because asparagus produces a result I can smell that it has any  more impact than any other food.

CD1: Game over, play again? Y/N

> Y

CD33. 13DPO: energy.

1) Still not pregnant;

2) Engaged in some casual (by my standards) cyberstalking of the makers of the Ov-Watch. Although the results of the Ov-Watch trials have not been published, I was interested in finding out if any of the scientists' peripheral work had been. Quickly this led me to the Chief Scientific Officer, Doug Marett, M.Sc.. No papers in Pub Med, but a Google did reveal that there exists a Doug Marett, M.Sc., who is or was deeply involved in the field of orgone physics.

Bzuh?

I don't consider that this in any way invalidates his other work, but... bzuh?

ETA: I believe that Mr. Marett no longer identifies as a Reichian. Fair enough. I got no objection a bit of free thinkin'. I will say that there seems to be something distinctly Philip Pullman-like about orgone physics and the entire field of "aetherometry".

The world is a very strange and wonderful place.

CD32, 12DPO: oh, bureaucracy.

B and I said we'd try for six months before seeing an RE. It did occur to me, though, that the REs may well be booked months in advance. So today I called my insurance to see what I would have to do to get covered for fertility treatment.

It has to be pre-certified. I knew that. It will cover me, even though I am Teh Gay, and I do not have to pretend that I am not Teh Gay. I knew that, too. My doctor has to submit the request for pre-certification. Bzuh?

That's right. The doctor has to confirm that my partner and I are functionally infertile.

*headdesk*

I don't think that appointment should take very long.

ETA: I did call an RE's office and they're only scheduling a month out. Since I happen to have a doctor's appointment in another month anyway, that'll work out just fine. But oh, the ridiculousity.

CD31. 11DPO Pt 2: A lovely little craft you can make at home.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not a fool for not seeking medical intervention immediately. I have decent insurance that would likely cover a good amount of it. It would probably be cheaper than buying all this ovulation divination equipment.

I recently insisted on a discussion board that I am not process-oriented. I am not looking for a certain conception experience, I just want to get pregnant, and I'll take results over all over concerns.

Clearly that isn't true, though. Why else would I be trying so hard to do this at home, without a doctor? It's true that there's a very real problem with using a known donor, due to various regulations. Yeah, as long as you're sleeping with Mr. Sperm it doesn't matter how diseased he is -- but if you want sperm from a DONOR, some guy with whom you are not DOING THE DEED, then it has to be quarantined for 6 months. wtf. Like having sex with him protects you?

I can't say that's the whole reason, though. The truth is that I just badly want to do this at home, me & B, on our bed. There's so much we can't have in this particular arena. This one thing I have to try for.

Six months. If we've gotten nowhere in 6 months then I'll give up and go to Dr. Fertility, who will probably hate my guts for how much I've read on the subject.

Have I mentioned that I really don't like doctors?

CD31, 11DPO: The Deal

I made a deal with the universe at the beginning of this process. The deal was that I would act as if I expected it to take a long time to get pregnant, a year or more. I would buy supplies in the appropriate multiples, I would invest in ovulation monitoring equipment, I would settle down for the long haul.

In return for my humility, I would get pregnant immediately. Then I would laugh at my pile of OPKs, three separate fertility prediction devices, Pre-Seed, etc. "Wasted a bit of money there!" I would chirrup, shaking my head in amusement.

I have purchased all the equipment. I have 50 OPKs and 25 pregnancy test in my cabinet. But I'm beginning to suspect that SOME party is not going to keep its side of this arrangement.

*drums fingers*

In other news: have instituted absolute ban on reading blogs by angry people. From here on in it's all about the Daily Puppy.

CD30, 10DPO

Things Not To Do During the Two Week Wait:

1. Read "first mother" blogs. So fucking depressing. Reading them makes me feel like a Republican, and I never thought anything could do that. But! the complete lack of any personal responsibility for one's choices. The culture of victimhood. The easy cruelty towards "infertiles" and "adoptresses". So. Fucking. Awful. And of course, because it's such a train wreck, I cannot tear myself away.

2. Read blogs by angry-children-of-donor-insemination. Logically, I know that people who are blogging about a particular subject are not a representative sample. It's still depressing.

3. Read blogs by angry-children-of-surrogacy. Logically, I know that people who are blogging about a particular subject are not a representative sample. It's still depressing.

I think that I am just flat-out not allowed to read the internets. Somehow I've gotten stuck in the series of tubes lost in the maze of twisty little blogpages, all alike. I'm not reading things that make me happy. I think it's back to ikea hacker and cute overload. Those sites have never done me wrong.

CD29, 9DPO

All quiet on the uterine front.

CD25. 5DPO

The only news: I have discovered that, as long as I am using one of the computers on the university's campus network, I have unlimited access to the full text of Fertity and Sterility.

The correct reaction to this is "*headdesk*".

CD23, 3DPO

I must say that I don't feel at all pregnant (unlike last month when I felt totally wicked pregnant riiiiight up until the time that I figured out I'd mistimed ovulation). I think this is good. If I am, I'll be pleasantly surprised, and if I'm not, I won't be too disappointed.

Was that convincing at all?

In other news, am fond of this month's ticker:


Next month may go for the surfing train, or possibly the cradle at sea.

Isn't there somebody out there doing vaguely witty, hip tickers? Tickers are a handy way to communicate, but all of the ones I've been able to find are pretty Donna Dewberry.

While I wish nothing but joy to those who have gotten pregnant using babydust, I personally plan on using semen.

CD21, 1DPO

I'm pretty certain I ovulated yesterday. That's okay. Chances are reduced, but are not zero. According to an oft-cited paper ("Timing of Sexual Intercourse in Relation to Ovulation — Effects on the Probability of Conception, Survival of the Pregnancy, and Sex of the Baby" -- catchy, huh?) "Only 6 percent of [the study's] conceptions could be firmly attributed to fertilization by sperm three or more days old." Well hey, six percent is not zero percent.

GWB should be so happy right now, I'm accepting my pre-pregnant-ness!

CD19: not so glum

B pointed out that on the weaker LH strips, the control line was weaker, too. So who the hell knows. As long as I don't know, I'll assume that we did everything exactly perfectly right. Am still keeping all stats.

*squiches breasts experimentally, hums a merry tune*

CD19. Did I say "unambiguous"?

Annnnnd this morning the line was darker. This suxx0rz because if it means that I'm actually going to ovulate tomorrow then we didn't get the good days 2 and 3, we got 1 and 2. And the watch was way off.

I know we're getting better at reading the auguries, but it's so damn frustrating.  The signs are vague, and none of the expensive things I buy work the way they say they will. The literature says that the best predictor is the urinary LH detection, but that's no good to us. That only gives 24 hours notice of the optimal time, and I need 48.  All of these products are designed for women with unlimited access to fresh sperm, who have a much wider margin of error. 
      
I just don't know what to do. Keep reeling around, hoping we'll hit it?  Rely heavily on LH strips, hoping to detect the first faint line in enough time?  For this cycle, we insemmed CD 16-17, based on the watch. The ideal days would have been (depending on who you believe) 18-19 or 19-20. We got the "lightest of lines" on CD17. So if we'd told him on the 17th to ship on the 18th and 19th we could have gone on the 19th and 20th. Okay. That's the plan for next month, then.

Patience is really not my thing.

CD18: everything that rises must converge

Woke up this morning with a fairly unambiguous LH surge. *headdesk* I know it happened some time between 2 and 8 am. I know this because I was up watching Veronica Mars until 3, because I am an idiot.

This means that in all likelihood I will be ovulating tomorrow. The Ov-Watch was off by a day and change. As long as it's consistently off by a day and change I won't complain. And of course now I'm interrogating my memories, trying to figure out if I was scrupulous enough about wiping the salt residue off the back twice a day.

So it wasn't perfect timing, but wasn't a disaster, either. According to this


we probably hit days 2 and 3, which is not too shabby. Of course, cumulative probability still confuses me -- yeah, I took statistics, but it's been a while -- but it seems pretty clear that the best days are 3 and 4, so if we hit 2 and 3 then we're still in good shape.

On that subject:I think Ov-Watch is a pretty good product. I did my homework and decided that it was worth the money. But I am annoyed to heck by their hired shills, who stalk the internet and then chirpily drop into any conversational forum that contains the term "Ov-Watch". She'll reveal how she struggled to conceive, and then tell the story of how she got an Ov-Watch and how her infertility is upstairs sleeping in ladybug onesies right now.

I think I'll do it.

Ov-Watch Ov-Watch Ov-Watch.

There. It's like saying "Beetlejuice". Now that I've got your attention: cool it, guys. You're not helping. You see, anyone's who's really interested will do exactly what you did: a Google search. And they will see the same few names and writing styles over and over, and they will think "these people must be hucksters who have to pay shills to talk up this watch thingie".

If your product is good -- and it seems to be -- it will sell. TTC and infertile women talk to each, constantly, and research, constantly.  If you want the word to spread, get your product into a few well-known bloggers' hands. If it's good, they'll talk about it, and they will sell it for you. There's some marketing advice, lads and lasses. My bill's in the mail.

Ooooh, you know what's an effective nostrum for the stress of TTC? Ranting!

New hobby!