Errrrrrrrrrrrgh.

The good:
Meeting with Big Shiny Fertility Factory doctor went well. I can work with him. He had some good things to say and wasn't put off by my knowing a lot of doctor-words. Some doctors hate it when you use doctor-words.

Not so good:
My insurance has kicked me back as not having IVF coverage, because I am not married and am using donor sperm. Now, I did check with my Benefits department in 2008 to make sure that this insurance plan covered the same as my other insurance plan (i.e., without regard to marital status or donor sperm). I was told that they did, which is why I switched my insurance. Now I'm being told differently. This is, quite literally, the $20,000 question.

If I'm not covered then. Well. I can wait a year, and switch back to my old insurance, on which I have one cycle remaining. Waiting a year is not a great idea when you're 38, not if you actually want to have a baby.

We could take out loans and pay out of pocket.  This is, obviously, a major commitment, and not one that Her Indoors and I necessarily see eye-to-eye on.

We could try again at home, using sperm from a different donor. This would make me sad, because I'd love Small Boy to have a full genetic sibling.

I'm kind of in a blind panic about the insurance coverage, angry at myself for not double-triple-quadruple-checking, angry that this, this could be what determines our family size, angry that we are so dependent upon others, angry, angry, angry that the last pregnancy didn't stick around when maybe it was my last chance or close to it.

I've got an email out to the Head Benefits Muk-a-Muk. Until I hear back about that I'm going to be on the knife edge.

Did I mention angry?