Friday, February 29, 2008

Okay, that was weird.

A young -- mid to late 20s? -- woman just stumbled into my office. "I need some advice," she said.

"What about?" I ask, thinking to direct her to the appropriate office. My department in is on the same floor as the Employee Assistance Program and Career Management Program, so people often come in here looking for one of those.

Mystery woman: I applied for a job, it's a great job, the interview went great. And I just found out I'm pregnant.

Me: Err. Congratulations! Look, I'm not a counselor. I'm a data analyst and this is *insert name of completely non-related department*. Are you currently an employee of *our organization*? (I'm thinking that I can steer her to the appropriate department, if she's an employee and covered by our benefits)

MW: Yes, yes. But I don't want a counselor, I just want advice from someone who is completely not involved. Can I sit?

Me: Um. Sure! I'm certainly not involved, since I have no idea who you are.

So she sits and unloads the story. She's been married two years, just bought a house, this is their first child. The job is a great job at another division, which incidentally does not share benefits with ours. Pay is much better, it's a much more senior position. She thinks she's got an excellent chance. But should she call them and tell them she's pregnant? She doesn't want to deceive them, but she really wants this job. Also, she wouldn't be eligible for FMLA since by the time the baby's born she'll have been there for less than a year.

Well, luckily I have an opinion about everything and love to give advice. I told her to keep her mouth shut until she gets a job offer, in writing. Then she can decide if she wants to, as a condition of taking the job, negotiate for unpaid leave... or if she'd rather take the job, say nothing, give it a few months and then hope that they'd give her leave. We chatted for a while, she thanked me, I wished her mazel tov, and she left.

It was odd. She looked so normal, just sitting there all pregnant.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

CD15, day 13 of BCP: random news snippets

  • 13th day of FemCon, the latest state-of-the-art chewable (!) mint-flavored oral contraceptive. Why the latest state-of-the-art chewable mint-flavored oral contraceptive, you might ask? Because that's what my RE gets free samples of from the drug rep, that's why.

    I was nauseous for the first week but my body seems to have adjusted quickly; now all I've got in the way of symptoms are huge incandescently sore boobs. I'm spotting steadily but lightly, and am not going to worry about it.

  • I have put up a link to my IVF calendar. Of course I expect my friends to be poring over it daily, but mostly it's there for my own reference -- and for that of my beloved partner. Bless her heart, she is blissfully oblivious to most of what's going on. If I tell her to show up at a doctor's appointment, she does. Other than that it doesn't cross her mind, except when she looks over my shoulder and has to say "should you be googling that?"

    Lesbians are in a somewhat unusual situation here. Men and women are rarely in the same place emotionally about TTC. Two women, on the other hand, sometimes -- not always -- but sometimes are. I have certainly heard tale of couples who cling to each other and weep with every BFN, and who find comfort in that.

    Not us, though. She will be a fantastic mom when/if there's an actual live squalling human being requiring attention. But dreaming and worrying about the theoretical has always been my job. It's a relief, honestly. One of us chugging a daily giant 22-oz can of crazy is quite enough.

  • My protocol has changed again (I thought the one the receptionist had relayed to me sounded a bit fishy). I'll be on the pills for an extra ten days; I still don't have the predicted dates for retrieval and transfer. but I start my Lupron on March 8; injection training in March 6. Who hoo! Things may be moving a bit faster than I had feared, which is nice because I AM IMPATIENT OKAY.

  • Apparently my infertility coverage authorization has expired and the doctor's office is running around to get it renewed. Hear that? They're running around to get it renewed, I'm not. I love this so much. I'll love it less if they screw something up or don't succeed, but I'm cautiously optimistic. My insurance company has been very good to deal with so far

  • My drugs have been ordered and received, approximately $4000 worth. My copay? $139. I am never leaving this job. I'm the gratefullest employee ever.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

gah gah gah

Just talked the RE's office. Dr. S is going to be away and between one thing and another my egg retrieval and transfer will likely not be until April.

I can't stand this. I mean, I will stand it, it's hardly the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone ever. But right now I feel like drumming my heels. I am sick, sick, sick of waiting, listening to time pass while everything goes on around me, bellies swell, children grow, the world is moving and I am. waiting.

I need a word that isn't infertility, I don't know if I'm infertile or not, I've barely been able to try. But there still needs to be a word for extended unsuccessful TTC. EUTTC, how's that?

The thing about EUTTC is that it is and isn't infertility. I've never been an infertile straight person so I can't say, but I don't feel the same grim resignation that I see on the faces of infertile straight couples in the RE's waiting room. They feel entitled to have their babies by joyful sexing, and cheated that they can't. And I don't feel that my body, or my husband's body, has let me down.

Nevertheless, I think that infertility and EUTTC have a lot in common, including this feeling of being frozen in time, outside the rhythm of reproduction, left out, left behind, looking through the window at the cozy fire in a house that isn't yours.

Here I am at blogspot for real. Really for real.

I'm just too annoyed at the way the LJ makes all my non-LJ peeps leave comments as anonymous. Y'all have perfectly good names and should be able to leave them.

I'll migrate all my LJ posts over tonight. I'm sorry that I can't migrate all the many lovely comments people have left, but I'll be able to go back to my LJ account and look at them when I need a boost.

I apologize to my LJ-friends who can no longer read me on their friendslists... but most of you I begged not to friend me, anyway, because I don't want the whole real-life-world knowing about what's going on with my ovaries.

There! *fluffs pillows* looks like home.

What's going on with my ovaries:
I'm on my 6th day of birth control pills, what's known as the "suppression" phase. I know, 'elp, 'elp, I'm being suppressed... anyway, so far so good, although the pills have made me slightly nauseous.

I should get the details of my protocol within the next few days. My guess is that I'll be on the pills for 21 days. I don't have PCOS, but I have slightly PCOS-y ovaries, and docs like to make sure that PCOS-y ovaries are firmly suppressed.

Also, all infectious disease tests came back negative. Woo hoo, one less thing for me to be paranoid about!

ETA: I have also finally started a blogroll of lesbian, TTC, and family-related blogs. If I've put you on and you would like off, please let me know.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Still over at livejournal...

I keep meaning to move over here permanently and yet not doing so. Until further notice, please to find me at

highwayttc.livejournal.com

p.s. summary for those short on time: still not king pregnant.