Kind of funny
One of my coworkers stopped me in the hall to tell me how fabulous I look after having lost all that weight. I was just boggled. I mean yes, I did lose ten pounds in about a week, but only after I gained ten pounds in a similar time frame. Maybe I can make big bucks selling my OHSS-and-pregnancy-loss diet.
Not so funny
Flicking open my Google reader yesterday and seeing a picture of an ultrasound, 6w5d. I would no more than have winced if it had been on one of the many TTC blogs I read, but it wasn't -- it was in a blog belonging to a high school friend, so I was totally unprepared. 6w5d... why does that sound so familiar? Oh, right. Yesterday I was supposed to be 6w5d. And what's that due date at the bottom of the screen? Yup. To the day.
Huh, thought I. So that's what the ultrasound was supposed to look like.
I think anyone who's ever lost a pregnancy is familiar with the "shadow pregnancy"* problem. In my case it was easy to solve. I just unsubscribed to his feed. High School Friend and I haven't been close in the past 15 years, and I can live just fine without the blow-by-blow here.
I will admit that after I unsubscribed I went back and stared at the picture for a while. Oh. So that's what it was supposed to look like.
In other news, my pee stick was blank this morning. Mostly I'm glad, very glad; the swiftly falling levels mean that chances are excellent that my uterus is clearing out nicely all on its own. And the faster they fall, the sooner we can start again.
Still, I felt a tiny sigh. There is no longer anything pregnant about me.
Never mind. On the whole I'm feeling fine. I never would have believed you if you'd told me last Wednesday that by the following Tuesday I would be feeling pretty darn good (of course, last Tuesday I still thought I was pregnant). The situation sucks , but I knew the rules when I sat down at the table. The fluke was that I was pregnant for a little while, not that I lost the pregnancy.
I'm trying to be grateful for the glimpse I had during that little time. The world really was a different place, and it all seems a little cold and dull and mundane back here on the other side. But it's not, really, it's all just as warm and rich and wonderful as it was before. I just hope that it's not too long until I get to put on those emerald-tinted glasses again.
*I believe that the term "shadow pregnancy" was coined by the ever-apt Bri at Unwellness.
I'm sorry you had to face a blank pee stick but it is good for being able to start trying again. I hope that happens soon for you.
ReplyDeleteThe coworker weight loss comment is pretty hilarious. You've got a winning diet plan!
I'm glad to hear that your body is cooperating.
ReplyDeleteSWG
i am glad you're feel better, sweetie. you have a great attitude. *group hug, incl lwds and lgd*
ReplyDeleteI had one of those "shadows"...my first (of two confirmed) pregnancy happened at the same time as a coworker's. It just so happened that i found the coworker to be particularly snotty, over-privileged and just plain annoying. But i could not even look at her for the rest of the time that i worked there watching her belly grow. Luckily i was out of there long before our due date.
ReplyDeleteShe has a 3 year old. I have a 2 year old. I wouldn't have Kate if that "sprout" had survived. Even so,i still resent her sometimes extent. she probably never thinks about me at all.
Glad you're feeling better. I frankly find it annoying when anyone makes comments about how people looked based on their size. But that's a whole other topic...
Rebecca (from MT)
My shadow pregnancy was a fellow lesbian TTC couple. We had our first injectable cycle together-- even insemmed the same day. I was so sure I'd get pregnant that cycle. Theirs worked. Ours didn't. Now they have a beautiful shadow baby boy. I like them so much I've even visited with them once while traveling for business, but I avoid their blog for weeks at a time b/c sometimes it hurts to see him. They're lovely. I hate that it still bothers me.
ReplyDelete-Mel from Indyness-- had trouble using my Google/blogger ID for some reason
I hate that you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteThe only shadow baby I have is my best friend's son. And he nearly died at birth too, so I feel a little different aboutit I guess. Time may change it though.
As for the diet - I got that too. It made me want to scream at people. Gee thanks, you think I look thin? Well thats great, i'm glad you think I look good. My secret? It's called grief. I dont recommend it...
huge, massive (((hugs))) to you.