Today

Along with thoughts of my own much-loved mother, Mother's Day makes me think of all those who are sore and tender today: the motherless daughters, the might-as-well-be-motherless daughters, and of course the childless mothers.

So here's a special dose of love for all of those who had to learn to do without their birthright of mothering. And another again for those who are still standing in the aisle with itchy feet and fading smiles waiting to be mothers, whether they are waiting for the grand biological conjunction or some bureaucratic unraveling.

As for me -- well, I'm a lot happier than I was last week at this time. Last Sunday was physically my most miserable time, and I wish I could go back and tell myself that in a week I'd feel so, so much better.

The week was pretty good, distractingly busy, although Friday was a bad day. I finally went for the followup bloodwork I'd been putting off, to check that my beta has gone down to zero*. I was supposed to come in on Tuesday but whatever, I didn't want to get a beta of 11 and have to come back two days later. I had >10 blood draws last month. The crook of my arm is finally starting to heal up and all that jabbing isn't half as much fun when it's to verify only how pregnant you aren't.

Anyway, I've been reasonably chipper, but going back to that hospital was damn depressing. It's taken me most of the weekend to get my balance back.

Got an appointment for Wednesday. I just want to know what's going on in there. I want to know if my hugely swollen ovaries have slimmed down and migrated back to where they're supposed to be. I want to know if my uterus managed to expel everything it was meant to expel. Mostly, I want to know whether I can count today as CD8. I want to know how long till I can try again.

*I still don't know the results of the bloodwork due to my doctor's ever-bitchy office assistant. I'm thinking of scheduling a consult with another practice just so I don't ever have to talk to her again. I like my doctor a lot, but his staff is abominable.