The report at 16dpo/11dp5dt

Beta report: still didn't double, but did rise.

12dpo/7dp5dt: 45
14dp/9dp5dt: 74
16dpo/11dp5dt: 120

Doubling time is 69 hours. Still, as friend Rebecca usefully reminded me, less than 72 hours is within normal range. of course I was hoping it would be a robust and comforting 48 hours, but still within normal range, still within normal range, still within normal range, I'm going to keep saying that until I believe it. Oh hey, how did I get the beta, you might ask, when I wasn't scheduled for one until Sunday? My dear wife reminded me that I had the (undated) lab slip and that all I had to do was sashay in, hand over the lab slip, and get the blood drawn. What're they going to do, cram the blood back into my veins? Then I called the RE's office and explained to the nice girl that I needed another lab slip for Sunday because I used the one I had been given today. Oops. I think she thinks I'm a bit of a loon, but who cares? She got me another lab slip.

Cramping and spotting report: Uterine cramps are still low-level and steady, with the occasional one that really makes me wince. Spotting is also steady but extremely light. I'm not too worried about those, as both seem common enough. Some women cramp steadily through the first trimester, apparently.

OHSS report: don't ask. Fortunately, the stomach cramps have been radically reduced by switching to an entirely liquid diet and eating (sipping) small amounts every hour or two. Unfortunately, this includes the night time -- if I don't put something in there every few hours I wake up feeling like I've got hedgehogs moshing in my stomach. I have learned, however, that Ensure is surprisingly tasty.

Hospital staff report: Inappropriate Lab Administrative Assistant was on duty today, the one who cheerfully told me on Wednesday (when my stomach was smaller than it was today) that I look six months pregnant. I am not walking these days so much as I am scuttling, since I can't come anywhere near to standing up straight. So today I crab walk my way in to get my bloodwork and the dialogue proceeds thusly:

IALAA: What's wrong with you?
Me, dumbfounded: I have ten pounds of extra fluid in my abdominal cavity.
IALAA: Oh. Is that a good thing?
Me: No.
IALAA: Huh.

Now, she works at a blood lab in a hospital. Presumably the hospital is full of sick people who walk funny because they're, you know, sick, or hurt or something. Does she really ask all of them what's wrong? Because I think what she should do is take people's lab slips and show them into the blood draw rooms and tell them to have a nice day.

Freaky fact: by some reckoning, 16dpo/11dp5dt = 4 weeks 3 days pregnant. Can't think of it that way yet.

Career report: I told my boss yesterday that I definitely wouldn't be in until Monday, and I don't know what I'll do if I still can't walk/eat/etc by then. Go to work with my grossly distended abdomen and explain to every single person why I can't walk? Take even more sick time? I have plenty of accrued time, but of course it's never politically neutral to take it. I may just have to say fuck it to all that, though. I'm not sure I'll be able to sit at a desk come Monday.

I have thought a bit about being a lesbian going through fertility treatments as opposed to being part of a straight couple going through fertility treatments. The people I work with are great, but I'm just not sure that I could expect sympathy and support for doing something that is so very outside of their frame of reference. I can so clearly imagine the puzzled stares: if she wants kids so badly, then why did she become a lesbian?

Gratitude report: I'm grateful for all the lovely, lovely comments I've gotten on my blog. I'm unutterably grateful that right this second I am pregnant. I am grateful that my BFF has secured for me a Wii. Her offer came at a time when I was feeling particularly physically wretched and thus entitled to any amusement I desired. I really think I've been trying to get a Wii for just about as long as I've been trying to get pregnant, although not with as concerted an effort (I stubbornly refused to pay more than the base price of a non-bundled unit).

Final score: I'm scared and uncomfortable but I think I'm winning.