...apparently I've recovered enough to rant. This is inspired by a cluster of interactions, recent and not so recent, which bugged the hell out of me.
Dear Internet,
Following please find a list of reproductive scenarios. If these scenarios happen to you, you shouldn't be smug about it -- you should be grateful for it. To wit:
If you conceived on your first or second try;
If you conceived at home without any medical intervention;
If you conceived with minimal medical intervention;
If you had an uncomplicated pregnancy;
If you gave birth at full term;
If you desired and had an unmedicated birth;
If you desired and had a vaginal birth;
If you desired to and were able to breast feed.
Don't be proud of these things. Be grateful. The fact that you wanted {whatever} and got what you wanted is not a marker of your of moral superiority. It's a marker of having been lucky. There are plenty of people who wanted exactly what you wanted and still ended up with IVF/ICSI preterm drugged-to-the-gills Caesarean births. (please note: I also don't think you should judge yourself superior to those who didn't want those things in the first place... but that's really a separate rant. Don't worry, I'll get around to it.)
The proper reaction to luck is not to explain to everyone exactly what you did to get to {desired state}, and what {those who have not enjoyed the desired state} are doing wrong. It is to be grateful, and also to shut the fuck up.
For the record, although I joked in my tags about being a good little layer, I didn't do a damn thing that other people haven't done, people who end up with few or no embryos. I've been lucky, that's all (lucky and slightly polycystic), and darn tootin' I am grateful, and praying that my luck holds. If it does it'll be because I was... lucky. No other reason.
I'm not one of those people am I? I really try not to be.
ReplyDeleteOh god no -- I don't think I've ever heard a smug or morally superior word cross your lips. One of the many reasons I adore you. No, never.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this post. Too often I think it's easy to feel proud of yourself, your body, or even your children. I'll definitely remind myself to be gratful for years to come for every blessing along this shit-holed path.
ReplyDeleteThanks hun. May you have oodles and oodles to be grateful for.
It's true that luck plays a huge part in how all this having a baby stuff turns out, but when it comes to trying to have a "natural" birth in a US hospital it's also a lot of work.
ReplyDeleteYou've get a big fight ahead of you if you want to have a low-intervention birth. Here in Philly there is just one center city hospital that does L&D because it is not profitable. They don't want you to take up a room laboring naturally. They want you in and out. You have to go in with a plan and a team to fight for you.
So yeah I feel like we were the luckiest dykes on the planet being able to get the birth experience we wanted in a hospital, but it wasn't just luck it was work too.
BF too...there's probably 10% of people who have a blissfully easy time BF, but for the other people who are lucky enough to pull it off it's a Hella lot of work.
I'm just sayin' :-)