Where do we go from here?

Merciful things: my hcg is below 5. I did not have to use my DIY Uterine Evacuation Kit. It is over, and was pretty painless.

That was my last shot on insurance. I have no idea what comes next. Crazy Al's IVF Shack? He has a clutch of my embryos from when I was a mere slip of a girl at 34. They're probably in better shape than my creaky miscarrying 38-year old eggs. Although it's possible the uterus is just broken. On the other hand, Al froze them in a second-hand popsicle maker, so the thawing attrition is likely going to be ugly. Al's documented success rate with frozen embryos is like 13%. If I wait until January I could have one more cycle covered at Al's, and out-of-pocket cycles are likely to be cheap because hey, Al.

From the clutch of 9 at Big Shiny Fertility Factory, I have three left. I could do at least one more cycle with them.  It would be out of pocket, and expensive. I'm a bit resentful about how expensive, considering that I now know exactly what the insurance reimbursement they received for the same cycle was, and believe me, it's less than half the amount I'd be shelling out.

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I don't know what's next. I didn't honestly believe that I'd be here. I somehow trusted in the narratively satisfying ending of my third attempt succeeding.  I am beginning to suspect that my uterus is not all that invested in my narrative satisfaction.

I would like to tag this with "moving on" but I'm not at all sure where I'm moving on to.