I sort of got my period again on Sunday. It's so very, very light. Red when I wipe, otherwise nada. This is pretty much what my last one was like, and I thought it was just because it was the first one post-misoprostol. I guess not. It's not nice to have your heart sink every time you pull down your pants. I hope I'm not too broken.
Last night I dreamed that I was in a rowboat. There were lots of dogs swimming around, but I ignored them. Then a puppy1 came paddling right up to my boat. I hauled him out of the water. He shook himself off and wriggled around and I thought "shit shit shit, I really wasn't ready to get another dog, but clearly I'm keeping this one."2 I then noticed that the dog was female, not male, and was surprised.
My subconscious isn't too subtle, huh?
I am sort of conflicted about moving forward. If I try again, either I'll get pregnant or I won't. If I don't, it will hurt. If I do, then either I'll stay pregnant or I won't. If I don't, it will hurt. If I stay pregnant, either the baby will be okay or he or she won't. Etc. It's... just going to take me a little while to screw up my courage to go again.
1A swift google tells me that the puppy was probably a St. Bernard, possibly a Landseer Newfoundland.
2The last of our three dogs died not too long ago, and we've vowed to remain dogless for a while.
Sorry, it sounds like you out to get check out for the period at least. And yesh, thanks for the hint, subconscious!
ReplyDeleteHmm, not much need to consult with Dr Freud about that dream....
ReplyDeleteAnd no wonder you're not excited about returning to the TTC world. With the notable exception of Small Boy, it hasn't exactly been the most fun place to be. It's not surprising that you're feeling skittish.