T and I struggled to conceive together; she got pregnant a few weeks after I did. Caemon was born while we were still reeling from the shock of having Small Boy in our lives. T is a lively and eloquent blogger, and it has been a pleasure watching Caemon grow into a creative and precocious little boy, and watching his moms dote on every detail of his development. They reminded me of us, and of Small Boy, so very much.
This past August, Caemon was diagnosed with a rare form of childhood leukemia, JMML. A bitter struggle followed with chemo, a bone marrow transplant, and relapse. He died on Tuesday.
It makes no sense. None of it makes sense. It doesn't make sense that I got to wake up this morning with my boy snuggled against my side, and J and T did not. It's not right, it's not fair, it doesn't make any sense at all. I am angry for them, and for all of us, and for Caemon, who didn't get a chance to do so many things.
I've had this post open for days. If it's so impossible for me to write, how do J and T even breathe?
What is there to do? Almost nothing. Send them money, send them love, and go back to trying to figure out how to carry the knowledge that we are all so close to the precipice.
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