Things are better. I'd have to look at a calendar to figure out where I'd be right now; it's fading, gently, covered with snow. Maybe not coincidentally, my hCG is falling, too. Two weeks ago it was 21. I have a recheck on Monday and expect it to be zero.
There have been a lot of babies around me lately. The lady in line in front of me at the thrift store had two huge baskets full of stuff. Checking her out took a while, so we had time to chat.
"How old are your kids?" I asked.
"One month, three, four, and five." She laughed and rolled her eyes. "How old are yours?"
"Three and a half."
I don't know. People don't get to choose the thing that's hard for them. This lady was, judging from her clothing and heavily accented English, a recent African immigrant. I'm willing to bet that the journey and adjustment hasn't been easy, even if she has had the best of circumstances. I don't know where I'm going with this. People don't get to choose the thing that's hard for them. A friend of mine, the thing that's hard for her is breathing. How is that fair? I don't know.
But never mind, on to happier subjects. Her Indoors and I had been waffling about getting married until we
knew the likely outcome of the pregnancy. I definitely wanted to be
hitched before the baby was born, for the legal protection it'd give our
family. That meant probably a small courthouse-type thing. But now that
that is no longer an issue, the calendar opened wide up, and we
could schedule it far enough in the future to give us time to plan the
wedding we really want. So: next December! I am insanely excited. I've
been madly pinterest-ing and browsing for silk velvet and roses and sari
fragments. I want this, and I can have this. I'm burying myself in
wedding prep and it's really comforting.
I'm going
to cycle again once I'm able, and maybe I will get pregnant and stay
pregnant, and maybe I will be enormous and pregnant at our wedding. But
you know what? I can't plan around it any more. I have to go ahead and
live. If I get pregnant, we'll adapt.
So: next December!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!
Thank you!!
DeleteI know it's a crazy long way and that none of us are as young and mobile as we used to be jobs lives kids etc etc etc so I will totally understand if you guys can't make it, but if you can we'd be over-the-moon delighted.
It is hard to make sense of the seemingly-random way that good luck and bad luck is dealt out in reproductive areas, and also in so many other areas.
ReplyDeleteAlso, yay for weddings! I hope that you'll be veryvery pregnant by then!