Oh, FFS.

Dear Health Insurance,

I approve of your proactive focus on wellness. It's innovative and no doubt cost-effective to start supporting pregnant women's health from the very beginning of their pregnancy. It's efficient that you don't have to rely upon your members to inform you of their pregnancy. What do you do, wait for something to be billed to the "prenatal visit" billing code? Clever.

But before you send out the glossy welcome material, before you send the box full of pregnancy-friendly snacks and coupons, plastered all over with pictures of tiny multicultural hands and feet and scrumptious pictures of weensy newborn babes --

You might want to check your records a little more closely and see if the person who recently filed a claim for prenatal services has, even more recently, filed a claim for hospital services for a D&C. You could maybe save yourself a little money that way.

Sincerely,
A distinctly unpregnant member.