Well? They're excited? They were stunned? They're calling me every day? My mom read up on OHSS and quizzed me to make sure that I didn't have a severe case (I don't)?
I have such mixed feelings about having told them. Part of me wants to bask in the attention and approval, which I am finally receiving in buckets. The last thing I did that they really approved of was 12 years ago, when I enrolled in grad school. I dropped out a few years later, became a lesbian, it's all been downhill since then. They love me, and they try, but I can tell that they have to work really hard to be supportive of me and my choices.
I get tolerance, and I'm grateful for that. I don't get offended when they discuss, in front of me, what gift can possibly be large enough for them to give my sister and her husband for their upcoming 15th wedding anniversary (my darling and I have been together for 11 years, and no, I'm not holding my breathe waiting for a card). I reinforce them heavily every time they mention my partner's name or send her greetings or remember her birthday (which they have done two years running now -- major progress).
But yeah, I get tolerance. I don't get approval. Having it now is freaking me out a little, and maybe making me a little angry.
I didn't feel that I had much of a choice about telling them, since there was no way I could travel as huge and OHSS-y as I am. But I can't get past the thought: if I miscarry again, then not only will I be heartbroken but I'll have disappointed my parents.
In other news, keep staring at my taut abdomen. Whatcha doin in there, huh? Whatcha doin? Still alive? Gimme a sign, here.
MY mom went straight to worrying and fretting; it's what she does best. I honestly think maybe you can relax a little bit on the worry front, because between your mom and mine I'm pretty sure they've got you covered.
ReplyDeleteWe don't get wedding anniversary presents from either set of parents (although we get a card each year from mine - which is odd as my mum isn't a fan of marriage - and she'd send it to Martin and Frances on their getting-together anniversary if she thought they wanted one). A big present for 15th is kinda weird. I'd expect your sister and her partner to make a big deal of 15, but it's not really a number for anyone else.
ReplyDeleteI see what you mean about the final attention/approval being a difficult thing to suddenly stomach. I've not been in that position with parents (my parents are completely different creatures to yours), but I have with (the odd) friend and, yeah, now you mention it, I get cross every single time.
I'm sorry your parents aren't being more supportive. Maybe in order to see their future grandchild, one of the requirements is to send you both an anniversary card ;)
ReplyDeleteMy mother went from "How can you bring a child into a lesbian household" and "Having a baby would be the worst thing that could possibly happen to a woman" to "OMG-- I'm having a grandchild. I'm so happy. I never thought I'd see the day" almost the second she found out I was pregnant. I understand the distrust. I'm finally settling into the new mom and using this as an opportunity to push the boundaries a bit in the way I interact with her. We have a much deeper, more truthful relationship now, and I am grateful for it. I'm hoping that happens for you too. Congrats on the doubling beta. I am sooo happy for you.
ReplyDeleteYour mixed feelings make a lot of sense. But maybe this is the beginning of something new with your parents - maybe this is what it takes for them to see you and your relationship in the same way they see your sister's. It's messed up if that's what it takes but maybe it will still feel like progress.
ReplyDeleteI'm still crossing my fingers for you - keep the updates coming!