Last Day of BCPs

7th day of Lupron, last day of birth control pills. The Lupron's been treating me very well. Every morning my heart's own love brings me a cup of coffee and a syringe. Eyes still firmly shut I shimmy over to the side of the bed and bare my belly. I feel the cold swipe of an antiseptic wipe and start fuzzily counting. I feel hardly a prick and by 3 she's done. A swish of aloe gel to keep it from itching and that's it.

For two mornings I felt really nauseous an hour or so after the shot, and got as far as sprinting to a puke-suitable place with my mouth watering. Then I remembered that I'd changed the vitamins that I take with my coffee every morning . Today I didn't take my new iron-heavy vitamin, and hey, no nausea. I don't know if the hormone + iron combination or if I just got the wrong kind of multivitamin, but I'm very happy to have (I hope) solved the problem.

I have been looking at wedding dresses online. I think a part of me wants the reassurance that if I don't get pregnant, we can still move to Canada or some other nice country and get married. I can still get something I want. This is moronic, because of course I have almost everything I want. I've been phenomenally lucky in a thousand different ways.

It's just that the crumpled list of dreams I have always carried in my heart still has a few big-ticket items left on it.

I've been so blessed. More, please.