Item: As far as my personal statistics go:
Pregnancy #1, 16dpo beta = 120. Outcome: miscarriage.Jeez, when I put it like that it doesn't look so great, does it.
Pregnancy #2, 16dpo beta = 224. Outcome: Small Boy.
Pregnancy (?) #3, 15dpo beta = 8. Outcome: chemical.
Pregnancy #4, 16dpo beta = 144. Outcome: miscarriage.
Pregnancy #5, 16do beta = ~320 (calculated). Outcome: post-hb miscarriage, twins.
Pregnancy #6, 16do beta = 98. Outcome ?
Item: when I google "accepting secondary infertility" I'm deeply ticked to find out that almost all the hits are to articles/ posts written by women who struggled with secondary infertility... before going on to have their second or third child. Gosh, thanks, guys. That really helps.
Item: I once heard someone say "when someone dies, a library burns down." I guess when someone isn't born a library isn't even built. I feel like I'm staring at a field, a space where a library will never be built, will never fill with memories and experiences. It will always just be... quiet.
I don't feel like it's a horrible loss to the world. The world has plenty of people. I wonder how much of a loss it will be to Small Boy. He's occasionally expressed an idle desire for a sibling but nothing serious, and I don't think there's any reason that an only child can't have a perfectly delightful life. It's just me, mostly, maybe. I wanted to get to know another child. Small Boy has been such a revelation for me. I wanted to know what other revelations there were, to feel my heart stretch once again. I guess I wanted to know how much richer life could get. A greedy wish, but mine.
"I wonder how much of a loss it will be to Small Boy."
ReplyDeleteMy understanding is that the modern research mostly shows that only children are actually advantaged in some fairly serious ways:
"The differences between only children and those raised with siblings tend to be positive ones. Ms. Falbo and Ms. Polit examined hundreds of studies in the 1980s and found that only children had demonstrably higher intelligence and achievement; only children have also been found to have more self-esteem. These findings, which have been confirmed repeatedly in recent years, hold true regardless of whether parents of only children stayed together and regardless of economic class."
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/09/opinion/sunday/only-children-lonely-and-selfish.html
As you know I kind of straddled both worlds -- my mom's only child, but with siblings from my dad. I love my sister and brothers, but I will say that getting the time, space, and quiet to pursue my own reading, writing, and other projects was pretty huge to me during the time I spent as the only kid in the house. It's something I actually worry quite a bit about my sons not being able to experience.
I am so grieved that this dream might not happen for you. Your image of a library unbuilt is powerful and poignant. I don't want to minimize your sorrow in any way. But on that specific question -- whether this loss will be a loss to SB -- I think there's good reason to think he might actually be more advantaged as an only child.
Thinking of you today.
ReplyDeleteHere are a few blogs I've come across about women who are working on accepting secondary infertility. But I really really hope that this little one is just a slow starter and you end up not needing them.
http://loveandchaosreign.wordpress.com/2013/09/12/walk-with-me/
http://from2to3kids.wordpress.com/