CD8: No go

Haven't much had the heart to blog -- last cycle negative, of course. I've started the birth control pills for my last fresh cycle.

Big love to all the kind and wise people who told me to step away from the Google. Now it seems a bit foolish to worry about multiple pregnancies, given that right this second being pregnant at all seems fantastical.

I've unsubscribed from several high-profile infertility bloggers, all of whom are now pregnant (nobody whose journal I've ever commented on, or who has ever commented here). It's just too much. Too much. I was at a conference this week, in a discipline that's heavily female and, apparently, fecund. I overcompensated mightily, as always. If I'm ever pregnant, I wonder will I notice when a woman is smiling at me too warmly? I know I'll never be a belly-rubber, but I wonder if I'll see. Probably not. I can't see it on anyone else's face even now. I always feel like the only person whose eyes slide away.