Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Begin again

I keep starting posts and fading out.

The Asherman's surgery in May was, by all accounts, a success. Dr. Isaacson was lovely, in accordance with all the recommendations I got from the Asherman's mailing list. He found one major band near the cornu (where the tube attaches) and some minor adhesions near the cervix. He feels pretty sure that the largest adhesion was from the c-section; apparently, when they're done popping out the baby, they sponge down the uterus. And either I was sponged too hard or -- more likely -- my body simply didn't like being sponged, and reacted by forming an adhesion.

Learning that it was probably the c-section, not the D&C, is kind of mixed. On one hand, it's comforting to know that it probably couldn't have been avoided. If someone asked me if I would pay the price of Asherman's to safely have Small Boy, I'd agree instantly. At least I got something out of the deal, you know?

On the other hand, it means that Dr. Stewart missed the adhesions during the quite-hasty SHSG. And that last year's pregnancy never had a chance, and that those embryos might have well been flushed down the toilet, and that all that horror could have been avoided.

Second-guessing does no good in the real world, so of course I try to spend no more than 80% of my waking hours running mental simulations of alternate universes.



But all that's old news. See? I put a line under it.  It's old news because yesterday I had my first Delestrogen shot for my FET cycle. HOLY CRAP that hurt. I'm a spoiled little princess who's only ever done progesterone in ethyl oleate with slender 25ga needles. The 22ga was like sticking a fucking drinking straw into my glute.

Her Indoors was, as ever, both charming and useful. After giving me the shot, she eyed my prone, gasping form sympathetically.

Her: Does it hurt?
Me: YES
Her: If I slap you, it might help.
Me: SURE WHATEVER
Her: delivers ringing slap to my buttock, right where the shot went
Me: ... wow, that totally helped.

This brief domestic scene illustrates two points about our life nicely:

1) Her Indoors is smart about all sorts of things. There's an explanation having to do with the dissipation of oil in the muscle and circulation and nerve endings and stuff.

2) I trust her really a lot.



So yeah, new cycle!

If my lining does as it ought -- and that's a big "if" -- my scheduled transfer date is November 12. In 2008, on the cycle that resulted in Small Boy, my transfer was November 15. In 2011, on the cycle that resulted in the zombie pregnancy, my transfer was November 10. I guess this is just the time of year that I like to put embryos in my uterus.

Here we go!
Here we go.
Here we go...